This week Jennifer is helping out someone who is struggling with a man who won’t listen to the word no and another person who went out with a work colleague and feels he is now avoiding them
An unhappy woman(Image: Alamy/PA)
I’ve been seeing a guy for a couple of months who at first seemed really nice but I’ve since realised that he’s not right for me.
He’s too full of himself and likes the sound of his own voice far too much.
I’ve tried to end things, but he’s ignored all my attempts.
He still calls me every day and pops into my flat uninvited.
He talks about us as if we’re in a relationship, when nothing could be further from the truth.
I want him gone and it’s really getting me down.
Should I just say something really hurtful to get the message through to him?
Jennifer says:
There’s no need to be hurtful, especially as this might escalate his behaviour.
Instead send him a clear, firm message that you are not interested and you want all contact to stop.
Hopefully that will be enough to get through his tough hide but to back it up you need to stop responding to his calls and messages.
If necessary, block his phone number and if he turns up at your flat do not let him in, simply close the door.
If he continues to contact you despite your clear boundary, this is bordering on harassment.
Talk to a trusted friend or family member about what is going on and consider contacting your local, non-urgent police line.
If you ever feel unsafe or threatened, call the Gardai immediately.
I went on a date with a man from work, but after I made a move he retreated and now avoids me
A guy at work unexpectedly asked me out last week.
I’ve known him for a couple for years, so it felt a bit odd that he’d wait this long to ask me, but I agreed anyway.
We got on well and had a fun night out at a local cinema, followed by a couple of drinks afterwards.
We chatted all night and afterwards he drove me back to my flat.
Rather than a quick peck on the cheek I gave him a big kiss and invited him in for coffee.
I am not usually this forward, especially on first dates, but I was already deeply attracted to him.
The wine probably played a part too.
Anyway, I was disappointed and more than a bit embarrassed when he said he couldn’t come in.
He made some excuse about needing to get back and left me outside my flat feeling rejected and stupid.
What’s even more disappointing is that he’s been avoiding me at work ever since.
I’ve tried a few times to find a quiet moment to talk about seeing him again but all he’ll talk about is work.
If it looks like the conversation is heading into a personal area he just walks away.
Why is he doing this, as he’s the one who invited me out?
Did I do something wrong or offend him?
Jennifer says:
I think it unlikely that you offended him.
You were warm, enthusiastic and honest about your attraction to him, there’s nothing offensive about that.
I think it far more likely that he simply panicked when he felt things were escalating a bit too quickly for him.
It’s possible he’s inexperienced and didn’t know how to respond.
Or perhaps he wasn’t ready for the complications of a romantic relationship in a workplace setting, especially if it doesn’t work out.
It could be very awkward for both of you to continue working together.
Whatever his reason for backing off, none of what happened points to you doing something wrong.
That said, it’s probably not a good idea to keep pushing for some sort of explanation, it might just make him retreat further.
Or if he feels he’s being harassed in the workplace he might even make a formal complaint to his manager or HR.
However, I am not suggesting you should just drop the matter.
If you’re still genuinely interested, find a way to slip him a discreet message that says you enjoyed your date and would like to see him again, but there’s no pressure.
Then give him space.
If he doesn’t respond, you’ll have your answer; he doesn’t want or isn’t ready for a relationship.
