So you’ve been handed one of the hardest gift-giving briefs out there. It’s your job to get something for the CEO/founder/maverick/thought leader in the family.
What do you get someone who looks like they already have everything? The nice car. The always-on earphones. The constant travel stories. It looks like they have what they need, but dig deeper into their busy life and you’ll find something.
Help with their sleep deprivation and stress
What keeps CEOs and founders up at night? EVERYTHING.
Do we have the cashflow for a proper marketing department? Are the suppliers taking the piss? Will we ever break even?
Each question keeps them up for another half hour. If you don’t believe us, you should see the SmartCompany site visits at 3am – our readers are night owls.
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How can you help? Masks? Too scary for family members. New age CDs? Nobody has CD players anymore. A painting with Bob Ross DVD set? Nah, that’s all online now.
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They need something that will have a lasting effect, so buy them an hour in a floatation tank. No screens. No notifications. No talk. Just water and nothingness. Apparently, they’re pretty good or boring. And don’t worry. They won’t turn you into an ape man as it did to William Hurt in that fantastic 80s movie Altered States.
While we’re into contemplation, we all know how great showers are for coming up with ideas. How about a shower radio, or better still, a waterproof notepad and pen to sop up that idea before it goes down the drain?
What about some workday relief?
A lot of founders are at the stage in their business odyssey where they’re based in a co-working space. The kitchens in these places can be places to avoid. With man-spreading rando tech-hustlers in an off-the-cuff stand-up, contemplating Oscar Piastri’s contractual obligations over the summer while spitting out three to five communal cornflakes at each sentence… This is no place for the sensible.
Get them a ridiculous lunchbox so they don’t have to leave their tiny desk. With lots of cool people making fantastic money in construction and trades, and a lot of us loving the idea of the bento box, lunch boxes have gotten seriously cool in recent years.
To some, a double-insulated, magnetic-lidded olive coloured, world design award-winning, performance food fortress is functional art. If you don’t believe us, get a load of the prices of some of those bad boys.
Or what about a ridiculous water bottle? Sure, they have a standard 700ml, they might even have a one or two litre, but have they got a seven litre? Go bigger. Ten litres, monogrammed. Make it say something like “HYDRATE AND THRIVE”, “MAKE IT HAPPEN, CAPTAIN”, or “LET’S PUNCH TODAY IN THE FACE”.
The gift that goes both ways
You want to get them something that also makes them proud of you? Get them something that’s tax-deductible. Nice notebooks, diaries and pens are perfect.
Fountain pens are so hot right now. You can get a fancy Japanese one and a jar of gorgeous coloured ink for around $50. They’ll only need one jar because they are too busy to get around to actually writing with the fountain pen, but gee wizz, it’s a fancy gift that makes you both look fancy.
While we’re in the office, every founder needs a Newton’s Cradle, those metal balls on strings things you’d see in the office scenes in every 80s movie you’ve ever seen. Is it a practical demonstration of momentum and energy? Or is it about how one action leads to another action and the cyclical nature of life? Or is it just that no matter how far up the chain you climb, everyone needs some sort of fidget toy?
Promise to listen to their podcast
The promise is the easy part. Listening to an entire episode will be tough. I know from experience of listening to friends’ dubious bands that the best thing to say is, “It sounded like you were having fun”.
If that’s all a bit too hard, a CEO or founder can never have too many lapel mics. It’s okay. You won’t need to listen to many episodes, as most thought leader podcasts only make it to three episodes.
Get them some online heat
They might tell you that they have no time to be online on the socials, but nothing excites a go-getter like a bit of online heat. It sounds a bit flippan,t but the online validation can give even the humblest a little validation buzz and can be quite good for their working life.
A few years ago, my brother-in-law bought me 10,000 Instagram followers for Christmas. He arrived at Christmas lunch, telling me that I’d know soon enough what he had bought for me. Ten minutes later, my phone went hot, pinging off like crazy, notifications flying in by the second. It was fun for a minute or two, but then it got scary. I thought I’d done something to get a worldwide cancellation, but no, it was my present.
Actually, no, it’s too scary. Don’t do it.
But there is some online heat they’ll have to love. Fake Google reviews are gross, but a heartfelt LinkedIn testimonial could be lovely and actually help their profile a tiny bit. As far as we know, this hasn’t been done before as a gift. So you could do it now. Watch them go red-faced, and say “Aw, shucks,” and if you’re lucky, they’ll thank you on their podcast.
