Christmas was always the season that brought joy at the Dhesi home
Kashie Dhesi said the family home was full of heart at Christmas – with her mum Gurbaksh at the centre of it.
A Coventry daughter’ has spoken of her Christmas heartbreak as she says ‘it will never be the same’. Kashie Dhesi said the family home was full of heart at Christmas – with her mum Gurbaksh at the centre of it.
She poured everything into making sure that Christmas was special, from the laughter, to the bustle in the kitchen, the slow, and careful preparation of dishes passed down through generations. Every detail mattered because Christmas, to her, meant family. It meant love. It meant everyone together.
But in December last year, the warmth of that tradition was devastated by something none of the family expected. On Boxing Day 2024, just hours after the family celebration she adored more than any other, Gurbaksh, who was aged 55, passed away from pancreatic cancer.
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“Mum’s whole world was her family,” she said “She made every Christmas feel like a storybook. The food, the laughter, the way she cared for us. She made everything feel special.”
Her mum poured her heart into the food – it was more than just eating – it was an expression of her devotion. She proudly remembered everyone’s favourite dishes, stayed up late preparing trays of treats, and insisted on sending guests home with leftovers wrapped in foil and warmth.
But in the weeks before Christmas last year, her daughter said that her bright, constant energy had begun to fade. Her mum mentioned stomach pain, she ate a little less and was more tired than usual.
Kashie Dhesi said the family home was full of heart at Christmas – with her mum Gurbaksh at the centre of it.
These were small changes, that any family might dismiss, nothing that hinted at the silent cancer growing inside her. So by the time she was finally diagnosed, the truth hit like a devastating hammerblow- the cancer had spread and fast.
On Boxing Day morning, with the tree still lit and the remnants of Christmas still scattered around the room, the family gathered at her side. Surrounded by the people she loved most, Gurbaksh slipped away.
“I had mentally prepared myself for the possibility that we might only have a few months with her, but I never imagined it would be reduced to just days,” Kashie said. “The speed at which pancreatic cancer took her life is something I still struggle to comprehend.
“Mum loved Christmas more than anyone,” says Kashie quietly. “Losing her the day after has changed this time of year forever for us. It will never feel the same.”
While the grief is still raw, determined Kashie has set herself a mission – to sharing her mum’s story in the hope that it may save another family suffering the same. “If one family recognises the symptoms earlier because of Mum, if one person gets diagnosed sooner, then her story will have made a difference,” she said.
She said she dreams that other families might be given what her family lost so suddenly: one more Christmas, one more birthday, one more ordinary moment that becomes extraordinary once it’s gone.
‘All the difference’
Neville Menezes, Consultant Pancreatic Surgeon at Ashford and St Peters Hospital NHS Foundation Trust, explained that pancreatic cancer is one of the hardest cancers to recognise and early diagnosis is key.
“Pancreatic cancer can develop quietly,” he said. “By the time symptoms become severe, the disease is often advanced. Recognising subtle changes in your body and acting quickly can make all the difference.”
He highlighted the symptoms that should never be ignored, especially if people experience them together. These are:
Persistent upper abdominal or back pain that doesn’t go away and does not respond to medical treatment like analgesia or medication to decrease stomach acid.Unexplained weight loss or loss of appetite that persists.Jaundice, where the skin or eyes turn yellow, often accompanied by dark urine or pale stools.New-onset diabetes, particularly in people over 50 with no family history, additionally, if diabetes appears suddenly in people who otherwise have a healthy diet and healthy lifestyle.Digestive issues, such as nausea, indigestion, bloating, or changes in bowel habits that are persisting for no apparent reason.Itchy skin, which can occur before jaundice appears.
“These symptoms don’t always mean pancreatic cancer,” added Mr Menezes. “But if they persist for more than four weeks, it’s crucial to see your GP to make sure that these are not serious symptoms.”
How you can help
This month, Pancreatic Cancer Action has launched the ‘Gift of Time’ campaign to encourage people to donate in memory of a loved one they have lost to pancreatic cancer. This is in a bid to help give other families ‘the gift of time’ through new research and studies.
Donations can be made via the website here
